


What if I miss you?

by Letmefall



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 10, until s10ep22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:39:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4370513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letmefall/pseuds/Letmefall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Dean burnt Charlie's bones, he returned to the bunker, getting lost in booze until one evening he met Castiel who is sick and tired of Dean's behaviour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if I miss you?

„So what if I miss you?” Cas asked, breaking the silence between him and the eldest Winchester.

“What?”

Dean clearly didn’t expect a _Chick-Flick-Moment_ right after his arrival at the bunker since he simply intended to get wasted the seventh night in a row after his little sister’s funeral.

“I said: What if I miss you?” Cas repeated and frowned, maybe considering if Dean was deaf.

“I heard you… but why the hell would you bother me with shit like that?” Dean asks, taking a few steps towards Cas until he was right in the angel’s personal space that long ago Dean learned to ignore when it came to Cas.

It was always Cas. The only exception to fucking everything. And Dean hated and loved it in equal measure.

“That’s no _shit_ ” Cas says blatantly and Dean could almost see the air quotes.

“Yes it is. And you know why?” Dean snarled. “Because a few days ago I burnt Charlie’s bones! I burnt my little sister who died because she wanted to help me! I have other things on my mind than to deal with unimportant shit like that!”

The hunter nearly spit the word in the angel’s face but instead pushed his friend away. Like he always did if Cas recalled correctly. And even though Cas could, he didn’t fight back. He just watched Dean who was now breathing hard through compressed lips.

“Dean…” But the hunter stopped him from talking with just the motion of his hand, visibly longing to touch Cas’ cheek… but never really daring to, instead letting it fall down, clenching his fist.

“You have to go, Cas. You still have the opportunity to leave this mess… You’re not a Winchester.”

“I consider myself as a Winchester and a part of this family. You once said it yourself… You said I was like your brother.” Cas’ words were not far from a whisper as they left his lips and for the first time in his existence he was scared to look in the green eyes of his hunter but did it nonetheless. Trying to be brave and preparing for anything that Dean would offer him.

Dean simply closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “No Cas… just _no_.”

With this words Cas was falling. Something in his chest began to hurt and a knot was forming in his stomach. It felt like suffocating in a room full of air. During his time as a human Cas was able to experience different kinds of emotions and he learnt that every ache, longing and pleasure caused by the righteous man had to be love. No other feeling could let his heart feel so much joy and pain at the same time.

So this time it was love too. Like it always was. But now it was hurting even more because Dean didn’t consider him family.

“I understand.” Cas said but failed to stop his voice from shaking. And why were his eyes burning? He didn’t want to cry if this was what crying felt like. It was even more horrible when it happened right in front of the only person you wanted to be strong for.

“No, you don’t.”

Cas could hear a little laughter and then his hunter was right back in his personal space, caressing his face with nothing more than his green eyes.

“You don’t understand a _damn_ thing”, Dean whispered softly and Cas tilted his head in confusion.

“No, I don’t understand”, the angel confirmed.

Dean exhaled.

“You’re not a Winchester because I want you to make your own choices. You’ve given enough for Sam and for me and now it’s your turn. You’re all mojoed-up again. You got another chance… so just take this opportunity okay? Don’t… don’t fucking stay here because… because of me. Can you do that for me?”

Cas’ confusion melted and all that was left was pure understanding. So Cas nodded.

“Good.” Dean smiled half-heartedly and patted his friend on the shoulder before turning around.

“You still think you don’t deserve all the sacrifices made for your rescue. You think we are all idiots who are willing to die in an act of selflessness.”

Dean turned, his eyes wide open, staring directly in Cas’ blue ones. “What the hell, Cas?”

But the angel ignored him and walked straight towards the hunter until they were right in front of each other and Cas could feel the hunter’s breath on his lips. _Tempting_. But he had to focus.

“We aren’t idiots, Dean. I’ve got to admit that maybe we did some foolish things… But we made these mistakes because we were and _still are_ desperate to keep you alive because we love you. And we fight even if you don’t want us to because we don’t want to imagine a life without you. So tell me, Dean. Is it really _shit_ if I ask you what if I miss you?”

“Where are you going with this, Cas?” Dean hesitated to ask as he knew too damn well where his angel was heading to.

“I would miss you. With every part of my grace. I can speak for myself when I say that I’m not a selfless idiot. I am indeed selfish. For wanting you alive. For wanting to finally admit to you that I fucking love you. That I am _in love_ with you. That I am so tired of dancing around each other, of repressing my desires. I’m willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of being by your side. Finally. Through good and through bad. Because of that I am never giving up on you. _Never_.”

Dean blinked. And blinked. There was no mishearing. Cas just admitted his feelings to him. To a monster. So leave it to the frigging angel to surprise an old man.

“You did swear”, Dean was just able to say, overran from the whole situation that shattered his carefully built wall into a million pieces.

Cas sighed at that and shrugged. “I understand that you can’t deal with this _shit_ right now and you don’t have to. But I won’t leave either. You heard me. I’m just… going to do some research in the library.”

With that Cas was gone. Some part of Dean wished that he didn’t just leave the kitchen but his life, but the more selfish part, the part that wanted so damn to be happy, prayed that Cas was really just scanning old books.

So he did what he should have done years before everything went to shit.

“Cas? You got your ears on?” Dean asked, aware that he could just walk down the aisle and be able to talk to him in person. But he needed the distance to say what he had to say. What Cas had to _know_ if he was really willing to go down with Dean.

“I would… you know… miss you too. Fuck, I guess I always will. And I… _jeez_ … I… you know… I need you, like _really fucking need you_. I don’t want to hurt you… or worse. And since you’re insisting on sticking around… Maybe… we could try to make this work.”

And maybe true love can cure the course. A man can’t be blamed for having a little bit of hope.

“You did swear too”, Cas told him with a satisfied grin on his chapped lips. The angel was now standing barely an arm away from Dean and the hunter saw that he waited – like he did for years – not sure if Dean wanted to have some more time or just go for it.

“Oh shut your cakehole”, Dean smiled and closed the distance and his – _finally his_ – angel’s lips with his own.

And they just went for it.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all this fic was also published on my tumblr account (http://catstiel-and-deano.tumblr.com/post/118639704659/missyou).
> 
> Secondly thanks for reading :-) You are allowed to leave comments and kudos and everything else below ;-)
> 
> Third: You can support our two dorks here (http://www.buzzfeed.com/emilymarie006/whos-the-best-couple-on-the-cw-1jzf0#.bnenVplXx) and here (vote.teenchoice.com) or here (https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=My+%23TeenChoice+for+%23ChoiceTVChemistry+is+%23Destiel!&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.teenchoice.com%2Farticle%2Fwave-2-nominees%3Fcmpid%3Dtsm%3Atwt%3A-FOX-tweet-text%3Fcmpid%3Dtsm%3Atwt%3A-FOX-tweet-text)
> 
>  
> 
> I guess that's all I wanted to say aside from "bring charlie back and keep Crowley and Cas alive). So have a nice day!


End file.
